I am always impressed and taken aback by how divorced people get married for a second and even third time in life. I have to be honest I don’t really understand the reasoning for getting remarried again, but maybe I can figure it out as I write this blog post.
I dated for two years before marrying my now ex-wife of 18 years. I was 27 when I got married and from where I was from in the Midwest that is considered a little older than most. I had a job, a house, a car, a dog and felt that marriage was to be the next step that you take. When looking back, which it’s always easy to look back, I probably rushed that decision. I think at the time I just felt somewhat lonely, not holy crap I will never meet someone lonely, but a lonely where all your friends have gotten married and start having kids making you feel left out.
Now that I am in my late 40’s, it is incredible how much more calmer I am and how making decisions are not urgent. You really do get perspective as you get older. But I am astonished sometimes how quickly people get remarried after divorce. Actually I am astonished why people get married again at all! I know many people will say, just wait because you will meet someone that you want to be connected with forever. But the thing is you can stay connected forever without all the legalities. It just takes honesty and trust. Now if you make an argument about that point…then people shouldn’t consider getting married in the first place if that is something you get from being married. And if your next argument is religion as a reason for getting married, well you already broke those vows the first time by getting divorced. So why risk breaking them again!
I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years now. Believe it or not, she still has her own apartment. We obviously spend almost every day together but she also has her own place to retreat giving her a break from me, my kids, etc. It has worked out awesome for both of us. On our first date, which I will be honest, I had no expectations and honestly was just needing to get out of the house, six hours later that evening I realized I might have met a pretty incredible person. She had been married and divorced after 2 years in her twenties and had no kids. I have 2 girls and a dog, so you can imagine the changes she had to deal with a little bit. On that first date, not in a harsh way or anything, but I made my intentions pretty clear. 1.) My kids will always come first and 2.) I have no plans to remarry, not that that was what she was wanting or anything. But I wanted to be clear and honest because at that time it was the truth. And today…..even though our relationship has evolved into so much more, it still is the truth.
I guess I might be fortunate or something as she still understands to this day. She is a part of mine and my kid’s life’s but still has her own independence which in turn gives me some independence too. Not once has she ever demanded we need to get married or anything close to that which is great because that could probably cause an issue in the end. Even my kids have no issues which in this day and age they probably really don’t care. In my opinion, marriage seems to bind money and assets instead of the actual people. So full disclosure, I was fortunate in my working life and I lost 50% of everything I owned to the Ex. Now, I am not bitter about the material stuff and actually am pretty calm about the money loss, but every once in awhile I realize I lost half of a whole hell of a lot of money! And maybe that is my issue with marriage again. Honestly, I find this subject to be more difficult to write about than live.
It is incredible how years later a divorce can still mess with your head. I will never say never of course as I have learned that lesson before. BUT….there is always a but…I am very confident in myself at this time and moment.