Getting divorced sucks! I think we can all agree that it can be emotional up and down roller coaster that at times feels like there is no end. Just a constant mixed-up cocktail of failure, sadness, anger, resentment, and disillusion. And having those feelings is perfectly normal and okay. But a time will come that you have to accept your current situation and figure out how it is all going to work out so that you can start a new life without your Ex.
I have been there and understand your feelings. A bit unexpected when the divorced word was mentioned and way afterward realizing it was the best decision for us both. I also know that at one time you loved your spouse. You did date, get married and maybe even started a loving family. And this is where you have to reach deep down on both sides of the marriage and figure out what is best for you both to move forward.
Anger, resentment, and disloyalty are all things that can dig inside your soul which in turn makes decisions twice as hard. The important thing to remember is that you need to do what is best NOT only for you BUT for the other person too. And yes…..I know, really I know that can be hard in a lot of situations. But if you want to make your divorce simple, quick, and easy so that you can start anew, you both will need lower your guard and work together. Again, I’ve been there and am sharing my experiences after being divorced for over 5 years. I have had others actually contact me asking how we proceeded with our divorce with only a mediation lawyer because the process was relatively pain-free.
So ONE Big Thing to Make your Divorce less Painful is…… split everything 50/50. Oh, I know what a lot of you are going to say to this answer. And yes it was hard to swallow but it was the right thing to do and especially the right thing for our kids. I sold two businesses and retired young. We had no worries with bills, mortgages, payments, etc. Actually I like to be debt-free because our situation allowed it. But we agreed to split the money, furniture, pictures, cookware….everything 50/50. Also, our kids technically were split as we co-parent equally. Trust me when I say I feel a ping of pain once in a while when my Ex takes a boyfriend on vacation or something, but in the end that is her money and her life. I have let those things go along with the divorce. It will do you no good to fight, scream, and argue over how much one deserves, whose salary is more and on and on.
By agreeing to split everything 50/50 we actually found there were things she really wanted and I did not and vice versa. We literally had no arguments over anything. We both realized that what was best for our kids and especially our mental health was to work together, like back when we were married, and figure out the details with minimal animosity or dislike. By following this approach is not only made our kid’s stress ease up but they figured out there was not going to be any hate or trash-talking, which as a kid I personally experienced. But it also benefited our own mental health so that we both could heal and move forward with our new lives. Now some people can rebound quickly and others take a lot longer but IT WILL GET BETTER!
So your thinking of getting a divorce or you are mid-divorce now? Do something that I was taught at a young age and that is “To Suck It Up.” Harsh, but accurate if you want to move past everything quickly with the least amount of stress and conflict. You might actually create a new relationship with your Ex which can only make your life easier in the future.